I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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