hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize