I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize