That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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