watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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