just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if only i could text you this smell
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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