He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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