I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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