When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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