Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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