Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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