life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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