I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize