i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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