He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize