Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wear drunk well.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize