her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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