im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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