Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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