worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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