I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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