I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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