every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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