I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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