We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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