Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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