Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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