She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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