If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Randomize