this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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