How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize