I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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