he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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