So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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