if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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