it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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