she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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