PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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