i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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