it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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