she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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