I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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