I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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