why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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