Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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