I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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