is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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