i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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