you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
...so i touched it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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