my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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